As authors of memoirs... the details we choose to share are critical. Can you 'step up' to the front door challenge?
Check out how I madeover my writing. Can you describe what it's like to walk into your house? Respond with a comment. Be sure to not reveal anything private as we are online.
BEFORE:
I walked up to my green front door. I keyed in the code and
popped it open. As usual I had my hands full, but was still happy to be greeted
by Nellie when I got in. I always worry that she’ll run out, but so far this
hasn’t been a problem.
AFTER!!!
I grunted as I hit the top of the stairs. As I was carrying
not only my daughter, but about 15 pounds of bags, grading, purses in addition
to the 22 pounds of baby. I noticed that the hook on my door was empty. I
better get ready for summer I thought as I keyed in my pin code. Once inside I
had to navigate myself, my 40ish pounds of cargo, and the burden of the day
that was behind me. Stepping over the recycling, diaper pail, and cat litter
that still needed to be taken down to the trash… I managed to get the baby put
down safely while being bombarded by my lonely cat, who was happy to finally
see me home after a long day.
@Joel
ReplyDeleteI jumped up the stairs that lead up to my red front door. I walked into my house and slung my backpack to the side and walked up the stairs to my room.
Cool details
Deleteeveryday i walk up the stairs pas he plants past he lamps and i reach my double red door i reach out and push own on he handle and walk in.
ReplyDelete@ Jack
@Ria
ReplyDeleteAs I tug the groceries toward my house, I try not to trip over the small rocks in my path. Finally, I reach the plant filled entrance to my house. Then I knock on my family's newly painted red door. Then I walk into my house and land on our bright red carpet. Then I started to walk onto the path into relaxation.
Wow nice job with the details, I LOVE them.
Delete:)
DeleteIsaac
ReplyDeleteI walked out of the car garbing huge bags of grocery's we walked up the huge ramp that lead to our front door. I took deep breaths until I finally hit the door. "finally I made it!" I finnaly got home after a long but also short day.
Nice job I know a lot about you house now, nicee job.
Delete@Quinn
ReplyDeleteI walked up to my bedroom door, and I walked in seeing my computer, it was shinning in the sun, like a bountiful sun ray.I than saw my 6 diffrent speaker systems. I also saw my 15 diffrent headphones. It was cool.
@CHARLIE
ReplyDeleteI walked tell I got my house. I saw all the flowers and other types of plants. I walked up the step and pushed the button to ring the doorbell. One of my family members came and opened the door. I walked in the house.
you made a lot of description. I have an image of what your house could look like.
Delete@nathan
@nandita
ReplyDeleteI opened the garage door, I turned on the light, much better. By the time I got home from groceries, it was late. I dropped the heavy groceries in the kitchen and stepped into the living room. It was messy. I plopped down on the couch and relaxed after a long day.
Nicholas
ReplyDeleteI walked up to my white front door. I looked at the newly improved front lawn and rang the doorbell. Out came mom and greeted us. I wiped my shoes on the welcome carpet and threw my backpack into the living room. School was finally over it was Friday and the weekend had just begun.
@Nathan. As I grunted into my drive-way with my hundred-pound backpack, I started to walk up the stairs to the front door on the balcony above, I grunted as I started to walk up the stairs. As I reached the balcony, I opened the black-colored door and walked inside my house, finding my dad on the computer. it felt good to be home.
ReplyDeletedoor challenge by Nathan Erskine
that is true and awesome!
Delete-nathan
@Charlie
DeleteNice job with the figurative language.(100 pound backpack)
I walked through the secret pathway to our tan garage door and as I typed in the four digit pin I waited patiently and longed to get inside from my long walk home.As the door was finished opening I found my way through my garage and made it to the door and took a deep breath and found my way to my room.Grace
ReplyDelete@Aubrey
ReplyDeleteAs my mom pulled into the garage, I pushed the car door open before my mom had even parked the car. when I stumbled out, I quickly stopped right in front of the pile of bikes and other piles of junk. I slowly stepped over them one item at a time being careful with each step. When I finally stepped over the last heap, I sprinted to the same old garage door and yanked it open feeling the fresh cool air being freed from the junk yard in my garage.
@ian
ReplyDeleteI walked by my two big bushes and to my front door i had a backpack on my back and my lunchbox in my hand i always have to knock on the door because my sister has the habit of locking the door all the time.I would knock on the black door 5 times to get my sisters attention.I quickly go in and put my backpack and lunchbox away.
@ Elaina
ReplyDeleteI trudged towards the bright orange front door what reminded me that disaster lied behind that frame to the only house that was filled with daily surprises old and new. I placed my hand on the door knob knowing that soon my little sister would be holding onto my leg where ever I went until dinner and that my brothers wold be begging me to play with them all until I shut my door to my quiet room, the only place I can relax after a long day of work.
as I walked up to my door from my back yard with the pass between the two houses and open it with my code and having two backpacks me and my sisters and going in the door my dog hugging me then go up stairs to go see my mom.
ReplyDeleteName, please?
Delete@lucas
ReplyDeleteAs I walked up to my green front door with my heavy back pack on from school and ready to just relax. ohhhhhh not again my mom forgot to put the key out for me for the third day in arrow. so I guess that to day I cant watch my favorite show and I have to wait 30 min for my mom to come home from work. oh and great mu phone just died.
I walked up the steps to our patio and through the sandy brown door and onto the tile for the 1 trillionth time I remembered the first time I did.
ReplyDeleteEthan l.
@Anusha
ReplyDeleteAttempt 1:
As I trudged up my 3 front steps, I felt very relieved. It was an 1,000,000 mile walk to my house from school- so I was very happy to actually reach my house after walking that far. I rang the doorbell and looked back to see if my Grandpa and my sister had caught up with me. Nope, not yet, I thought as I smiled. My Grandma opened up the front door after another long minute. "Took you long enough," I said jokingly to her. I set my backpack on the floor on the slate floor- perfectly polished. We laughed together after another long day.
great job:)
Deletegood job
ReplyDelete@Gavan
ReplyDeleteI swing my school bag onto my back and pick up two bags of heavy groceries. I walk with my dad and brother to the front door while tugging the bags towards the door. We always have to walk long distances to our door because our neighbors across the street always park their cars in front of our house. When we reach the front door, I quickly punch in the code to unlock the door. The door slowly unlocks. We swing the door open and walk in and put the heavy groceries in the kitchen along with our backpacks.
:DANIEL
ReplyDeleteI walked up the two stairs leading to my house. Then I opened my front door and my mom asked me how my day was. I said, "Good!" as I threw my backpack and coat on the floor.
@ David As I walk up to the plain grey door with a bench and flowers outside. Usually with hannds full with a backpack and bags. Unlock it and walk in. I am always greeted by my dog.
ReplyDelete@Jade
ReplyDeletewalking to my back door with two back backs that toatal up to 10 pounds and open it with a code and see my dog run up and hug me then go to my mom lying on the couch.
As I woke up in the morning, I checked my phone as I got out of bed.I to walked to my white door covered with papers, and photos of me and my friends, but blocked by my backpack. I picked up my heavy backpack only to realize I woke up late, I ran right in to the door, dropped my phone, me falling felt like slow motion.Wondered what just happend, I got of the ground, I wasn't bleeding, only my nose throbbed. I opened up the white door with a black spot where my nose should be. I went down stairs only to realize it was 6am I wasn't late I got 1 more hour to sleep, I was to tired to go back up stairs to my bed, so I went back to bed on the couch. @Gwyneth
ReplyDeleteAlex
ReplyDeleteI walk into my house, through my white front door. As soon as I step foot in my house I am ambushed by my dog,Zelda. I put down my backpack and get to my homework.